


a lack of closure

by megabees



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, CR spoilers, F/F, i got posessed by an angst ghost following the episode so i made this, like this is major ep 111 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:20:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26642869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megabees/pseuds/megabees
Summary: a brief drabble exploring yasha's thoughts as they decided to visit molly's grave. also, beauyasha.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha, Mollymauk Tealeaf & Yasha
Comments: 5
Kudos: 73





	a lack of closure

Caleb mentions visiting Molly, and Yasha’s breath catches in her throat.  
It’s been so long since she’s seen him, and she’s a completely different person now. Wings. Forgiveness. Atonement. 

Last time she saw Molly alive, her second soulmate, she was being taken away in a cart and he was choking on his own blood. 

There’s no closure on that. He’s not even the first line of the endless list of those whose deaths she has contributed to, but he died trying to save her. 

How do you process that? 

Caleb doesn’t seem to get it. Surrounded by his own trauma constantly, he seems to be unable to forgive and forget. Every moment of his very being reminds Yasha of wandering before she got to the circus, thinking of Zuala every hour, blaming herself and self-flagellating for a death she couldn’t prevent. 

At the circus, Molly saved her. 

She couldn’t save him when it came down to it. 

The conversation keeps going, and Yasha doesn’t know how to say what she needs to say. 

She’s never been good with words, with advocating for herself. 

She can’t look at these people and say “actually we can’t go get the next step of this because I don’t feel comfortable. I don’t want to see his dead body. Or even worse, what if he’s not there? What if he’s not there and he never came back for me?” 

She’s afraid to see what’s in that grave, or even worse, what’s not. 

All she can do is look distressed and hope that someone picks up on the fact that she’s upset. 

Beau does, of course. Yasha’s been looking at Beau a little different since she got her mind back, but there’s still an element of fear there. 

She lets herself relish in the small moments. The library, flying, any time Yasha gets to just be near her. 

Does she even deserve to love again? 

Beau is too good for her. She’s smart, and gorgeous, and Yasha is riddled with so much death. Why would Beau ever want Yasha? 

When Yasha came back, (and to be fair, her mind wasn’t okay for a while) it seemed as if Beau had something going with Jester. Some form of adoration in her eyes. 

Yasha had almost given up after that. 

But it seems like Beau might be reciprocating now? They’ve been having moments. She even ate a bug last night in Caleb’s tower. 

Even now, Beau is pushing back at Caleb’s insistence that they return to the grave with an abandon Yasha could never think of trying. She’s clocked Yasha’s discomfort, and it seems like she might be matching it. 

No one got as close to Molly as the two of them. No one understood him like they did. He and Beau, they were assholes together. He and Yasha, they were kindred spirits. He was her other half.

Caleb and Nott. Fjord and Jester. Caleb and Beau. Veth and Jester. Caduceus and Fjord. Beau and Jester. 

Sometimes, Yasha feels like she’s a seventh wheel in the Mighty Nein. The quiet one. Silent and stoic. Everyone else pairs up so easily, but Yasha’s pair has been missing. 

Maybe Beau could be that pair someday. Molly would like that. 

His Unpleasant One and His Charm, together. On the seas, pirating and basking in the sun and storms. The gentle crash of waves against the side of the ship. 

That’s far in the future, though. Right now, it seems Beau has lost the argument and they’re headed to Molly’s grave. 

Yasha steels herself, and they arrive. It’s muddy and raining, without the comfort of thunder or lightning. Almost as if the clouds can see the tears threatening to escape from her face, seeing his grave unmarked. 

Beau grabs her hand. Yasha squeezes it back. Veth finds his coat. Jester scries. 

Molly’s not there. He’s in the snow with Cree. Most likely no memory, of the Nein, and especially of Yasha. 

The lump in Yasha’s throat finally breaks, allowing her to speak, to acknowledge what she had known all along but had hoped was untrue. 

A faint whisper, before she falls to her knees to sob, makeup running with the rain. 

“I knew he wouldn’t be here. He forgot me.” 

Despite being surrounded by her new family, Yasha feels desperately alone.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @megabees3
> 
> also i hate writing drabbles but i have a 5 page paper due tomorrow night so this is what you get 
> 
> maybe i'll write a happy ending tomorrow or something


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